once again

plus, i also seem kinda moody lately. i think it's because of my period because i don't think i'm usually very moody. kinda depressed and grouchy. mostly it's directed towards my niece though. so maybe i'm just a little tired of taking care of her? every day when i'm not at work. i'm expected to take care of her. the expectations that are piled on me are getting kinda old. and i'm tired. i guess it is my period. or have i always been this pessimistic?
i told michael the other day that i didn't really have a goal in life and therefore had no motivation to further my education quickly. that english as my major is just a easy way out. that becoming a librarian is just something to do. that i don't have any big goals in life except to live... that my college career and my chosen profession is just something i chose because it was the right time and the expected choice. that i fear becoming some kind of person who just floats in life. and i envy the people who have the burning urge to do something with their life. do people have to push themselves to want to do something with their life? or do people just effortlessly want?
when i told michael this, he just seemed kinda flabbergasted. he told me to find something i wanted to do...but what is that? shouldn't i know already? would i be able to forgive myself if i went on a long detour to find it? am i just that anal-retentive that everything has to be in a certain order and that order does not include life confusion? is that why i feel so apprehensive?
maybe i'm just sleepy.
oyasumi

omoshiro

waaah! i was watching dream live 3 on youtube and now they're doing a site construction thing, so i can't watch the next part....waaaah! it was very interesting! much more interesting than dream live 1. i've never seen 2. plus, the guy who plays atobe wears his leather pants very very well. mmm...sexy... sigh...
we're finally moving all of our stuff to the new house on saturday, but shawn and i today moved a lot of crap over there. i can't believe how much stuff we can stuff into those closets. it was very fun. and now my room is pretty empty.
i was packing away my manga and i was so nervous!! i didn't want to be parted from it even tho it would only be a couple of days. oh. shit. i just realized i packed away my batteries.....uuwah!!! crap...
i don't really wanna move into the same room as emily. for one thing, it'll really curtail my nocturnal activities. and that sucks like crazy. plus, they might make me leave the laptop in the living room/computer room. so i can't read yaoi freely until they allll go into deep sleep. also, there are the embarassing things that i watch...like tenipuri or my anime...when i act like a typical fanfreak....sooo i'll also have to curtail my "skkkreeee/kyaaaa" reaction. gawd...that'll be hard.
but i guess the thing i hate most, is the fact that i'll be able to masturbate much much less. i mean....i do that practically every night....ever since....middle school. but suddenly going cold turkey......*whimper*
mmm.....maybe i'll hide downstairs....with my (one) yaoi manga....sigh.... that'll be very cold, but at least it'll be in peace...maybe i can print my favorite scanalations? crap....w/o variety, i think i'll die...
i'm thinking of buying another one from the same author because i read that it was very graphic. i was kinda hestitant before because it wasn't very well known and it sounded kinda shounen-ai.

jeez

registered for classes!! dammit! they're all english classes!! i'm gonna get bogged down with a million essays.. pray for me *whimper*

toonami jetstream

toonami jetstream is an online website that allows you to watch dubbed anime episodes for free sponsored by two american cartoon companies. it shows a new episode once a week, i think. it downloads pretty fast on my connection. i watched hikaru no go and prince of tennis. it's WEIRD hearing the japanese names with an english accent!! it's not so bad for some names, but for others (namely the ones that have a "r") it's downright strange. ryoma (pronounced lee-o-ma becomes rye-o-ma (rye as in rye bread))

the quality is pretty good. but as always....the girl voices alway drive me up the wall...

all in all....it's more worth it to go to youtube and watch all the fansubbed episodes in an insane marathon. and you get the original voices. and you get the original translation. and the original opening and ending. and things aren't lost in translation. like "mada mada dane," which really should have been kept...because it's his catchphrase for heaven's sake. when the ignorant american-dubbed PoT fans go to cons they'll totally alienate themselves from the fansubbers and the original trendjumpers. haha, suckers.

looking at the first north american corporation sponsored anime website, you can totally tell where the american anime market is directed. at the young boys. i'm wondering if they're aware of the fact that PoT, despite it's sport subject, has huge power in gathering a gigantic female fan-base? they probably know, but i guess it's hard to push it in this culture. hrrmm...oh well.

on the other hand, manga is probably more directed towards females. i mean....look at tokyopop. so i guess the teenage american culture says that boys are glued to the tv and girls read? and practically all the manga readers at the library are girls. there are the one or two boys out there... but they are very very rare.